Smarty pants

Wife: "Harry! Harry! Wake up! I just heard a mouse squeak!"

Husband, drowsily: "What do you want me to do - get up and oil it?"

*********

"Herbert," said a mother to her six-year-old son, "are you teaching the parrot to cuss after I asked you not to?"

"No way! I was just telling him what NOT to say."

*********

Mama Gnu was waiting for Papa Gnu as he came home for dinner one evening. "Our little boy was very bad today," she declared, "I want you to punish him."

"Oh no," said Papa Gnu. "I won't punish him. You'll have to learn to paddle your own gnu."

*********

Traffic Cop: "Miss, you were doing seventy miles an hour!"

Proud Blondie: "Oh, isn't that splendid! And to think I only learned to drive yesterday!"


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Three old men

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test.

The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"

"274" was his reply.

The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday" replies the second man.

The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?

"Nine" says the third man.

"That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?

"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

My oh My....

A minister was completing a temperance sermon.

With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."

******

The front door of Murphy's house was badly warped, causing the door to jam now and then. To pry it open they kept a hatchet handy.

One day the doorbell rang. Murphy himself peeked out through the curtains and then shouted in a voice that could be hard through three doors: "Quick, Tommy. It's the pastor. Get the hatchet!"

If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Blah !!!

Don't you feel this way sometimes?
Me too!


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Mom knows best!

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother, she noticed I hadn't once lit up a cigarette.

"Are you trying to kick the habit?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "I have a cold, and I don't smoke when I'm not feeling well."

"You know," she observed, "you'd probably live longer if you were sick more often."

*****

After a hard rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddles through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, a five-year-old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into one of the water holes. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother was running toward them in a panic.

"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?" she said, as she shook the older boy's shoulders in anger, combined with relief.

"We were just playing church mommy," he said. "And I was just baptizing him. You know,
'In the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole he goes.'"

********

Mom was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A medical billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers.

When she called to complain, they told her to get a new number. "I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?"

They refused. So Mom said, "Fine. From now on I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full."

The company got a new number the next day.


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Surprising Questions

My wife, a flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger with overloaded bags tried to stuff his belongings into the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage.

"When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I don't have this problem."

My wife smiled and replied, "When you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either."


***********

Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.

Nadine: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!

Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?

Nadine: I thought I asked legitimate questions.. like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"


***********

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few, minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the
money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to get her."



If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Children's Bible in a Nutshell

A child was told to write a book report on the entire Bible. The following is her glowing report.

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat. Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me,'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say yes!)

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Any way's, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

A first grade student told her students that more twins are born now than in past years. One little fellow asked: "Why is that?"

Before the teacher could attempt an answer, another little fellow spoke up: "Because these days little children are afraid to come into the world alone."

************

A teacher asked the kindergarten class, "Can a bear take his warm overcoat off?"

"NO," they answered.

"Why not?"

Finally after along silence, a little fellow spoke up. "Because only God knows where the buttons are."

*************

A father was teaching his son to admire the beauty of nature.

"Look, son, " he exclaimed, "isn't that a beautiful picture God has painted?"

"It sure is, Dad," responded the youngster enthusiastically, "especially since God had to paint it with His left hand."

The father was baffled, "What do you mean, son, His left hand?"

"Well," answered the boy, "My Sunday School teacher said that Jesus was sitting on God's right hand."



If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Ahhhh Love

The wife turned to her husband and asked, "Will you love me when my hair turns gray?"

"Why not?" he said. "Haven't I loved you through five other shades?"

**********

A young man was proposing to his girlfriend:

"Honey, I love you, but I wish I could give you the things my friend Benny has --boats, cars, airplanes -- but honey, I really love you."

She replied, "I love you too, baby, but tell me more about Benny."

***********

Dave told his wife Marylou he would take her out to dine royally.

Later Marylou reported, "We started out at Burger King and wound up at the Dairy Queen."

***********

She: "This is an ideal spot for a picnic."

He: "It must be. Fifty million insects can't be wrong."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

A doctors prescription

A man ran to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. "Please, doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee!"

"Don't worry," says the doctor. "I'll put some cream on it."

"You'll never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

"No, you don't understand!" answers the doctor. "I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."

"Oh! It happened in the garden behind my house."

"No, no, no!" The doctor was getting frustrated. "I mean on the part of your body where the bee stung you."

"On my finger!" screamed the man in pain. "The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts!"

"Which one?" the doctor asked.

"How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same to me!"

************

An overweight clerk consulted the doctor for advice. The doctor advised that the clerk run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would burn off as much as twenty pounds.

The clerk followed the doctor's advice and after thirty days was pleased to note a loss of twenty pounds.

The clerk phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, there was one last question:

"How do I get home, since I'm now 300 miles away?"

*************

My wife and I don't have a lot of "junk food" in the house. Upon eating a snack of some munchies my grandson asked what vitamins we had consumed.

"I doubt there were any at all."

His eyes grew wide. "You mean these are just for fun?"


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Duh !!

A man was in his front yard moving grass, when his neighbor storms out of the house straight to the mailbox, opens it, slams it shut and storms back in.

A little later the neighbor storms out and does the exact same thing again, before storming back in even more red faced.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, out the neighbor comes again, marches to the mailbox, opens it before slamming it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by the neighbor's actions the man asked, "Is something wrong?"

"There certainly is!" the neighbor huffed. "My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."


**************


My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"

I calmly replied..."Aren't you talking on it?"

**************

It was our second anniversary and my husband sent me flowers at the office.

He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card.

I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read, "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."

If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Positive Thinking

An eight-year-old boy had been pestering his father for a watch. Finally his father said in exasperation, "I don't want to hear about your wanting a watch again."

At dinner that night the family each gave a Scripture verse at the dinner table, and the boy repeated Mark 13:37 "And what I say unto you I say unto all, WATCH."


************

The young son of a well-known television star came home from school with his report card.

"Well, Son," said the father, "were you promoted?"

"Better than that, Dad," replied the youngster. "I was held over for another twenty-six weeks."


************

A sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned to a pillar of salt.

Little Jack interrupted, "My mother looked back and turned into a telephone pole."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Marriage

A teacher was examining her fifth graders on what they remembered about the various words that Jesus spoke.

One of her questions was this: "What did Jesus say about people getting married?"

Little Johnny blurted out: "Jesus said: 'Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.' "

************


A lady wrote to the advice column in a newspaper:

"I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?"


************

"Do you," the judge asked the groom, "take this woman for better or for worse, through sickness and health, in good time and in bad, whether she be..."

"Confound it, Judge, " broke in the bride, "You're gonna talk him right out of it!"

************

A lady had been married four times.

Her first husband was a banker, the second an actor, the third a minister and the fourth an undertaker.

When asked why the different ones she said: "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Lies and prayers

A young son was bad about telling lies.

One day his father decided to tell his son such a big lie that the boy would be cured from stretching the truth.

"Son," he said, "one day I was walking down the street, and a twenty-thousand-pound gorilla grabbed me, and threw me down, and was ready to throw me over the building, when a little two-and-a-half pound dog came up and threw that gorilla up a tree, and I got away. Son do you believe that?"

"Sure I do Dad, that was my dog!"

*********

Small boy's prayer: "Dear God, take care of Mommy and Daddy and Sister and Aunt Jenny and Uncle Jim and Grandma and Grandpa, and please God, take care of yourself - or else we're all sunk!"

*********

On the first night of his grandmother's visit, a small boy was saying his prayers.

"Please, God," he shouted, "send me a bicycle, a tool chest, a..."

"Why are you praying so loud?" his older brother interrupted. "God isn't deaf."

"I know He isn't", replied the boy. "But Grandma is."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Enemies

One six-year-old cutie-pie had been naughty and was duly scolded by both parents.

At supper, immediately after the hassle, a contrite Papa and Mama asked little Betsy if she would like to say grace.

She bowed her sweet curly head and murmured, "I thank Thee, Lord, that Thou has prepared a table for me in the presence of mine enemies."

************

A nagging wife was always scolding her husband on every occasion.

One day she died. At the graveside service, suddenly there was a great clap of thunder and a big bolt of lightning streaked across the sky.

The bereaved husband contemplated this for a few seconds.

Then finally he turned to the minister and said, "Revered, I think she made it."


************

A lady was drowning and a man jumped in and grabbed her by the hair, but she wore a wig and it came off.

Then he grabbed her by the chin, and her false teeth came out.

The man shouted, "Somebody help me save all of this woman that we can."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

We should all be this smart!?!

A wealthy lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike. A look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says, "Where's that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Kids In Church

Pam sent me these wonderful stories. I've heard some of them before, but I still giggled.


3-year-old Reese: "Our Father who does art in heaven, Harold is his name. Amen"

*******

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

*******

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied,"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,and I wanted to stay with you guys."

*******

One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

*******

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to a church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

*******

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

*******

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shorewhere a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.

The boy thought for a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Our wonderful United States

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ... Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog!"


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Bo-oa-rd !!!

A minister was preaching and said: "Who wants to go to heaven?"

Everybody held up his hand except one young boy.

"Son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?"

"Yes, sir, when I die, but I thought you was getting up a load to go now."

*****

Eight -year-old Billy had a crush on seven-year-old Betty. For Valentine's Day he sent her a small but pretty box of chocolates. With it was this tender note:

"To Betty, with all my allowance ---Billy."



If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Housekeeping

A newlywed was asked how she liked married life.

She replied, "Oh I hate it."

"Why?"

"You make those dirty old beds, wash those dirty old dishes, and wash those dirty old clothes. And in two weeks, you do it all over again."


********

The young couples' Sunday school class was studying the story of Abraham and Sarah, who in their nineties were blessed with a child.

Among other things the teacher asked, "What lesson do we learn from this story?"

A young mother of three who was having financial difficulties blurted out:

"They waited until they could afford it!"


If laughter, compassion and love fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

The dental appointment

For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me, a dental hygenist, clean her teeth. She was accompanied by her grandmother.

When they came in, I greeted them warmly, seated Kelsey, and, as usual, put on my gloves, goggles, and mask. About ten minutes into the procedure, Kelsey got scared and cried, "I want my mommy!"

I quickly pulled off my mask and said, "I AM your mommy."

Without hesitation, my daughter yelled back, "Then I want my granny!"

If laughter, compassion and love fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Mother-in-law confusion

My Uncle Don sent this one. Ron and I laughed and laughed.

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one...

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.

The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away.

"Stupid thing, she was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...


If laughter, compassion and love fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

A glimpse of the future

Two boys were playing marbles together when a very pretty little girl walked by.

Once boy stopped and said to his pal, "Boy, when I stop hating girls, she's the one I'm going to stop hating first."

**********
A cheapskate was shopping for an inexpensive birthday gift for his friend. The only thing he could find in his price range was a badly broken vase. He bought it for almost nothing and asked the store to ship it, figuring his friend would think it was broken in the mail.

A week later he received a note:

"Many thanks for the vase. It was nice of you to wrap each piece separately.



If laughter, compassion and love fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Airport Luggage

A friend's daughter received an adorable airport play set as a gift. Since some assembly - actually, a lot of assembly - was required, her husband spent much of the day putting together the plane, the control tower, the runway, the little baggage chute, and arranging the pieces into a teeny tiny air hub.

As he finished up, his wife noticed he was frantically digging around in the box, checking all the packing materials.

"You are not going to believe this," he said."The one piece missing... is the luggage!"

If laughter, compassion and love fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Separate Rooms

The Anderson family just moved into their new home when a neighbor asked 5-year-old Tommy Anderson how he liked it.

“It’s great,” Tommy said. “I have my very own room and my brother Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room too!

But poor mom, she is still with dad…”

If laughter, compassion and love fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

A + student

The English teacher asked Tommy to give her a sentence with an object.

"You are very pretty," he answered.

"What's the object?" the teacher asked.

Tommy replied, "To get an A in English."

If laughter, compassion and love fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Who has the most?

Three small boys were bragging about their fathers.

The first boasted that his dad owned a farm.

The second said his dad owned a factory.

The third boy, a pastor's son, replied: "That's nothin'. My Dad owns hell."

"No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?"

"Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of the church gave it to him last night."

If laughter, compassion and love fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Baptism?

I was driving my car when I noticed a young mother from our church walking with her four-year-old daughter. I slowed my car, rolled down the window, and spoke to them for a moment. After I drove away, the daughter looked up at her mother and asked, "Mommy, isn't that the man who hypnotized me when I was a baby?"

------Rev. John Riley, All Saints Episcopal Church, Jacksonville, Fla.


If laughter, compassion and love fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie