A first grade student told her students that more twins are born now than in past years. One little fellow asked: "Why is that?"

Before the teacher could attempt an answer, another little fellow spoke up: "Because these days little children are afraid to come into the world alone."

************

A teacher asked the kindergarten class, "Can a bear take his warm overcoat off?"

"NO," they answered.

"Why not?"

Finally after along silence, a little fellow spoke up. "Because only God knows where the buttons are."

*************

A father was teaching his son to admire the beauty of nature.

"Look, son, " he exclaimed, "isn't that a beautiful picture God has painted?"

"It sure is, Dad," responded the youngster enthusiastically, "especially since God had to paint it with His left hand."

The father was baffled, "What do you mean, son, His left hand?"

"Well," answered the boy, "My Sunday School teacher said that Jesus was sitting on God's right hand."



If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Ahhhh Love

The wife turned to her husband and asked, "Will you love me when my hair turns gray?"

"Why not?" he said. "Haven't I loved you through five other shades?"

**********

A young man was proposing to his girlfriend:

"Honey, I love you, but I wish I could give you the things my friend Benny has --boats, cars, airplanes -- but honey, I really love you."

She replied, "I love you too, baby, but tell me more about Benny."

***********

Dave told his wife Marylou he would take her out to dine royally.

Later Marylou reported, "We started out at Burger King and wound up at the Dairy Queen."

***********

She: "This is an ideal spot for a picnic."

He: "It must be. Fifty million insects can't be wrong."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

A doctors prescription

A man ran to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. "Please, doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee!"

"Don't worry," says the doctor. "I'll put some cream on it."

"You'll never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

"No, you don't understand!" answers the doctor. "I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."

"Oh! It happened in the garden behind my house."

"No, no, no!" The doctor was getting frustrated. "I mean on the part of your body where the bee stung you."

"On my finger!" screamed the man in pain. "The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts!"

"Which one?" the doctor asked.

"How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same to me!"

************

An overweight clerk consulted the doctor for advice. The doctor advised that the clerk run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would burn off as much as twenty pounds.

The clerk followed the doctor's advice and after thirty days was pleased to note a loss of twenty pounds.

The clerk phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, there was one last question:

"How do I get home, since I'm now 300 miles away?"

*************

My wife and I don't have a lot of "junk food" in the house. Upon eating a snack of some munchies my grandson asked what vitamins we had consumed.

"I doubt there were any at all."

His eyes grew wide. "You mean these are just for fun?"


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Duh !!

A man was in his front yard moving grass, when his neighbor storms out of the house straight to the mailbox, opens it, slams it shut and storms back in.

A little later the neighbor storms out and does the exact same thing again, before storming back in even more red faced.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, out the neighbor comes again, marches to the mailbox, opens it before slamming it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by the neighbor's actions the man asked, "Is something wrong?"

"There certainly is!" the neighbor huffed. "My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."


**************


My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"

I calmly replied..."Aren't you talking on it?"

**************

It was our second anniversary and my husband sent me flowers at the office.

He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card.

I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read, "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."

If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Positive Thinking

An eight-year-old boy had been pestering his father for a watch. Finally his father said in exasperation, "I don't want to hear about your wanting a watch again."

At dinner that night the family each gave a Scripture verse at the dinner table, and the boy repeated Mark 13:37 "And what I say unto you I say unto all, WATCH."


************

The young son of a well-known television star came home from school with his report card.

"Well, Son," said the father, "were you promoted?"

"Better than that, Dad," replied the youngster. "I was held over for another twenty-six weeks."


************

A sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned to a pillar of salt.

Little Jack interrupted, "My mother looked back and turned into a telephone pole."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Marriage

A teacher was examining her fifth graders on what they remembered about the various words that Jesus spoke.

One of her questions was this: "What did Jesus say about people getting married?"

Little Johnny blurted out: "Jesus said: 'Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.' "

************


A lady wrote to the advice column in a newspaper:

"I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?"


************

"Do you," the judge asked the groom, "take this woman for better or for worse, through sickness and health, in good time and in bad, whether she be..."

"Confound it, Judge, " broke in the bride, "You're gonna talk him right out of it!"

************

A lady had been married four times.

Her first husband was a banker, the second an actor, the third a minister and the fourth an undertaker.

When asked why the different ones she said: "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie

Lies and prayers

A young son was bad about telling lies.

One day his father decided to tell his son such a big lie that the boy would be cured from stretching the truth.

"Son," he said, "one day I was walking down the street, and a twenty-thousand-pound gorilla grabbed me, and threw me down, and was ready to throw me over the building, when a little two-and-a-half pound dog came up and threw that gorilla up a tree, and I got away. Son do you believe that?"

"Sure I do Dad, that was my dog!"

*********

Small boy's prayer: "Dear God, take care of Mommy and Daddy and Sister and Aunt Jenny and Uncle Jim and Grandma and Grandpa, and please God, take care of yourself - or else we're all sunk!"

*********

On the first night of his grandmother's visit, a small boy was saying his prayers.

"Please, God," he shouted, "send me a bicycle, a tool chest, a..."

"Why are you praying so loud?" his older brother interrupted. "God isn't deaf."

"I know He isn't", replied the boy. "But Grandma is."


If laughter, love and compassion fill your home,
your children will always return.

Debbie